While You Were Sleeping

When Trouper was "sleeping" we started making a scrapbook titled "While You Were Sleeping". We listed visitors, listed snacks my sister ate (there wasn't a vending machine she didn't visit), listed doctors and nurses names, and had a page dedicated to Trouper's miracles. The one that makes me laugh is the "Dara was non-confrontational" miracle because if you know me, you understand how difficult that was for me! I am a Texan through and through and was born with a big Texan attitude. I don't take no for an answer and I certainly never give up, two things which are serving me well on our journey. The one that makes me thank God he was with us every minute was the "balloon removal" miracle. On the 19th, the doctor thought Trouper was well enough for balloon removal, meaning his heart would be pumping on it's own. He was still asleep, but they had downgraded a few machines and were confident he would withstand removal. Dr. Greg, one of his is extraordinary CCU doctors, prepped him for removal. An emergency within the CCU occurred and Dr. Greg was called out of the room. When he returned, Trouper's monitors were going haywire and his blood pressure was all over the place so he decided to hold off on removal. If he had started and that had happened, Trouper wouldn't have made it, they wouldn't have been able to stabilize him in the middle of the removal. Small blessings, like an emergency page, are why he is still here with us today.

Later that night, when I had some alone time with Trouper, I sat holding his hand, telling him the story of our first hospital visit when Ryan was born. I was so young when Ryan was born and had such huge decisions to make and uncertainty filled the air. Trouper never tried to persuade me and that night, after Ryan made his entrance, Trouper sat with me for hours, just holding my hand. Here we are, 21 years later, and we sit again, alone in a hospital, facing such uncertainty, but still holding hands. We have come such a long way from scared teenagers in West Texas but no matter where our lives have taken us, or what adventures we have been on, we always had one another and the spaces between our fingers still fit perfectly. He is my home, my  touchstone. When our babies were born, we held hands. When we loaded up two kids, a rabbit, a household of furniture and headed for the unknown in Georgia, we held hands. When his beloved Grandmother passed away, we held hands. When we drove to Texas to say goodbye to my sweet brother, we held hands. All the good moments, and the bad, we've made it by facing it together. So while you were sleeping, I would hold your hand and help you through....