Three years ago I only saw the doctor a few times a year and didn't have a case manager at Aetna.
Three years ago I didn't know what an LVAD was.
Three years ago I didn't know organ transplant statistics.
Three years ago when we left the house, we didn't worry about batteries and supplies.
Three years ago life was much, much different.
Tomorrow, on February 16th, we observe Trouper's "heart-aversary". February 16th changed our entire family, not just Trouper, the kids and I but our extended family as well. We went from an average, middle income family to, well, not an average, middle income family virtually overnight. We got a crash course in cardiology, economics, and hospital policies. We learned who we can lean on and who we can't and to be honest, I fell in love with my husband in a way I never imagined. He is a fighter, but so are the kids and I and we are fierce and protective of one another. Most families feel that way but most families never have to deal with a chronic, often terminal illness.
Today, our battlefield stretches several states as we take the next step to get Trouper a new heart. Our love is different, our family is different and our view of life is different. Not worse, just different.
I'm different, I can feel it. I look around me and want to scream at the people who don't appreciate their life. My patience is gone and often, the tears are too much. But I still have hope and that won't ever change. It's what gets me out of bed in the morning and gets me through the day. I have hope that despite all the darkness, there's light out there and it's within our reach.
Yes, three years ago our universe was different but I thank God we were given these three years because so many people don't get that precious gift. I will keep fighting, keep researching, keep working, keep smiling and keep praying...but above it all, I will keep hoping.....
