Life through the windshield....

Someone once told me to always look at life through the windshield, not the rear view mirror. The past month, our family has done both, looking forward to Trouper's daily progression and milestones but also looking behind us, remembering where we were before and after February 16th and how difficult the past nine months have been for us.

It's hard not to reflect on the past year, but it's exciting to see the accomplishments that not only Trouper's made, but that our family as a whole have made. We are also looking forward to Trouper's eventual transplant, and if the past few months have shown me anything, it's that my husband is a real trooper and has the perfect name! He's braver and stronger than anyone I know and when the time comes, he will smile, make a joke about his new heart and his new career as a male dancer with a nice chest scar, and be the new poster boy for heart transplants.

I wouldn't be looking through the windshield if it weren't for the love and support I've gotten from our family, friends, doctors, nurses and even strangers. When I didn't know if I could endure another minute at the hospital, I heard yes you can, just take a breath and go back. When I complained about the way people were treating me, I heard does it matter in the end if they like you. When I didn't know where I would find the money to pay the car payment, I heard no worries, I've got this. Words of encouragement, words of wisdom and words of healing. Prayers and love for us from all over the world, a constant reminder that we aren't alone, and that our family is loved beyond words. I know I've said thank you, but I hope each of you know how deeply I mean that, and how much I appreciate your love, and sometimes gentle nudges, that keep me looking through the windshield. I promise to live life fully everyday, looking ahead to tomorrow!

Live
It
Fully
Everyday

Unanswered Prayers

I am stubborn and like to call all the shots, including all medical decisions regarding my family. Okay, I will pause while you gasp; in disbelief that timid, little 'ole Dara is stubborn. Laughs aside, it's been extremely difficult for me to relinquish control to those that should have it, but on Wednesday, August 28th we gave full control to Dr. Dean and his staff, finally realizing Trouper wasn't getting any better and after seven weeks in the hospital, a heart wasn't going to find him soon enough. His health was failing at an alarming rate, he looked and felt awful and his quality of life was nothing short of sad. The LVAD will allow him to build his strength, become active and best, allow him to come home, where he belongs. Our home is simply not a home when he isn't there. It's a sad place, even the dogs mope around, depressed that their beloved Trouper isn't around to sneak them treats or let them lay on my pillow and hog the blankets in bed. At 8 am, Trouper had LVAD surgery, thus making him inactive on the transplant list for six to eight months while he heals from surgery. Our family and friends gathered, prayed and waited six long hours for word that the surgery was a success. Dr. Dean met with us, and told us Trouper had done wonderful, and was well on his way to a speedy recovery. Today, two weeks and one day after surgery, Trouper is heading home. I can't find the words to describe how exciting this is, or how grateful I am, that Dr. Dean took control and told us, not asked us, that Trouper was getting an LVAD. An unanswered prayer. We had prayed relentlessly for a heart, but Trouper's perfect heart isn't ready yet. The Lord knows that home is where he needs to be, and that our family was incomplete without him. He knows that Trouper's body isn't healthy enough for the new heart and that he needs strength to be able to fight off infections. I read somewhere that the Lord may delay his promises, but will never deny them so I'm holding firm this is only a delay, and the Lord is just making sure Trouper's new heart arrives when his body is able to receive it.

When Trouper gets home today, he will officially be 40 years old....what an awesome birthday gift! He will be able to sleep in his own bed (dogs and all), have a homemade meal (he's requested turkey meatloaf) and his favorite birthday cake (yellow cake with chocolate icing). He's been blessed with another trip around the sun, another chance to hug the kids, kiss me, go fishing with friends, make everyone around him laugh and be the Super Trouper that everyone loves. So, on Trouper's fabulous 40, my wish for him is enough. May he always have enough happiness to keep him sweet, enough trials to keep him strong, enough success to keep him eager, enough faith to keep him encouraged and enough determination to make each day a great day! Trouper, if someone asked me what a beautiful life means to me, I would lay my head on your shoulder, hold your hand and answer with a smile; this.