42. I think I am more sad turning 42 then I was 40 and I couldn't exactly put my finger on it until I realized I remember my own mother turning 42 just a few, short years ago (20 to be exact). Half my life ago, on my 21st birthday, I celebrated as any 21 year old would, I headed to the liquor store to make a (finally legal) purchase. Much to my dismay, the cashier didn't even card me. I stood there, relishing my new legal age, anxiously ready to pull my drivers license out but alas, he just bagged my wine coolers, took my money and waived me off. I was furious and stomped out to the car where Amy waited for my fabulous take on finally being able to purchase alcohol but instead, laughed hysterically when I confessed I wasn't even carded.
These days aren't much different, I relish getting carded but not because I'm anxious to flash my age but because I'm happy someone thinks I'm still slightly young. Alas, I'm not. I've lived 15,330 days and I've filled those 15K days with love, laughter, sadness, heartbreak and joy. I've been there as a new soul enters this world, and held someone's hand while they departed this earth for a new heavenly home. I've lived through wars, witnessed history, experienced phenomenal music, remarkable movies and awe-inspiring books. I've tried to be the best wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend I possibly could. In the end; I've lived, I've loved, I've lost, I've missed, I've hurt, I've trusted and I've made mistakes but most of all, I've learned. I can't change anything that has happened in the past so I need to forgive, let go and move on. That includes one of the hardest things, forgiving myself.
As I celebrate my 42nd trip around the sun, I pray that my eyes always see the best, my heart always loves and forgives, my mind forgets the worst, and that I have a soul that never loses faith in God. I also celebrate my wonderful husband, who is the true definition of a miracle and has loved me since I was 13 years old. My kids, who allowed me to make horrible mistakes as a Mom but always loved me despite my screw ups. My Mom, who is still the first person I call when I need help, and would drop everything to help her family. My Dad, who always gives sound advice, and never judges. My beautiful sister who is struggling right now and learning that being a Mom is the hardest job in the world, no matter if your baby is still in the womb, or 22. And last, all my friends and family, who've loved me during the good times and even more during the bad times.
42...here I come!
