Spoiler Alert, The Hero Dies....

I write about Trouper all the time, just as I think about him all the time. It's always truthful and positive, because that's how he lived his life, much of the time. I read in another widow's blog, whose 3 years into her widow's journey, that someone commented she posts too much on social media about her spouse and another person said it was always positive, and made her spouse look like a saint, which they knew he was not. So I asked myself the same questions a) do I post too much about Trouper on social media and b) is it all positive and the answer to both is yes. 

The reason I post so much is because he is my life. Not was my life, he is. In the story of my life, he is the hero. He's still a daily part of my life; I still talk about him, laugh about him, cry about him and long for him. I always will. He's still a permanent fixture in our home. We sit in his chair, I still wonder aloud to him when I'm cooking something new and I sleep in one of his shirts almost every night (so does Emily but that's because she "borrows" them). His ashes are prominently displayed in our living room and I will add that there is a lovely lipstick mark on his urn. So, if someone in my life feels I post too much about Trouper on my social media pages, they can simply delete me as a friend. Trust me, you won't be the first or the last and it won't break my heart. My heart is pretty strong, as I've come to learn and someone not wanting to "be my friend" on FaceBook won't break me. As I said he is the hero in the book of Dara and I will talk, write, sing, cry and post about him whenever and where ever I feel like it and I don't care if it offends you. Maybe you posting 900 cat videos offends me. 

Do I only post positive things about Trouper, you bet. But, just for the record, I'm still in the beginning chapter of losing my hero. I'm sure you've noticed, or even done it yourself, but when someone dies, especially so young, they become a saint. I noticed it when my brother died and it's true about Trouper as well.  Where either one of them saints, HELL NO and while I speak about the good much more than the bad, it doesn't mean I've forgotten there was any bad in the first place. Trouper was a complicated man. He was the most comical, outgoing, loving and kind man I've ever met. He treated everyone with respect, and thought that everyone in this world was just as kind as him. But he was also stubborn and loved to live in excess. He knew what buttons to push and would push them before you could even spell the word buttons. He was loyal, to a fault, and it caused more than one argument between us and, in the last few weeks of his life, was a major point of contention. But just because I don't detail his bad traits, or the bad moments we had, on social media for the world to see doesn't mean I've forgotten them. He was a complicated and flawed man, who had a difficult early life, just as I'm a complicated and flawed woman who had a difficult early life but in reality, that didn't matter to us. We would get happy just as quickly as we got mad and at the end of the day, we both knew that we could count on one another for anything. We fought a hard battle and I didn't do it for likes or positive messages on FaceBook. I did it because he was my person, my hero and he deserved the chance to walk his daughter down the aisle, hold his son's first son and sit on the back porch with me and Maximus. I'm proud of the last four years; the good, the bad and everything in between because I proved to myself that no matter what, I can be counted on and strong when it matters most. Do I care what other people think, no, not anymore. Because when the hero of my story died, so did my ability to care what people think about me. I know my truth, and his, and I know we fit perfectly together, flaws and all. 

So in the end I will continue to talk about Trouper in any light I chose and I can confidently say he wouldn't mind. If you didn't know him, he was not private in the least and would tell you whatever you wanted (or didn't want) to know about his life. And while the hero has left his spirit and legacy didn't, and it's my job to keep it going and I take my job as the heroes wife very seriously!