Twenty Five on Twenty Five

Twenty five years; in the blink of an eye they were gone yet so many memories remain. Jubilant, amazing, and wistful memories of two lives that became one. Two teenagers with broken pasts who found one another and clung to hope. With nothing more than words to our names, we gave each other all we had and for twenty three years, seven months and eight days, that was enough. Just babies when we repeated the words "in sickness and in health" never realizing how very important those words would become, but always knowing we would give it the old West Texas try and make it work. And it did, and it still does. That day, we didn't promise yesterday, today and tomorrow because we didn't truly know what that meant but looking back I like to think we did, or maybe the Good Lord just made sure we did. I want to remember that day, twenty five years ago and the days leading up to it and the ones that proceeded it. They made me who I am and, in tearful moments, bring a smile to me. So here are my twenty five on twenty five.....

1. When Trouper jumped off the pump jack, after asking me to marry him, he said "when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible". Everyone around us just oooo'd and awww'd but I just laughed, we had watched When Harry Met Sally the night before and Troup was quoting a line (even though it was a cute line) from the movie. It wasn't a Troup original but of course he tried to play it off as his own.
2. The afternoon of our wedding, he knocked on my door (I was using a Sunday School room as a bridal suite) and my sister told him he couldn't see me, it was bad luck. We had already seen one another that day so I insisted she let him in. He asked her to step out and he said "I'm not sure how long this will last, but I just want you to know I've loved you since the moment I met you and even when this is all over, I will still love you".
3. It rarely snows in Odessa, Texas especially in early December but on December 5, 1992, when we went outside to head to our honeymoon, it was snowing. We stood outside for a minute and laughed that we had a real winter wedding.
4. We planned our wedding in a month and planned it for December because our church would already be decorated for Christmas so naturally, our colors would be hunter green and burgundy. 20 year olds don't have the money for anything, much less a wedding so we saved where we could save.
5. Speaking of saving money, Trouper needed a haircut so the night before our wedding, his Mom cut his hair and he hated it. She shaved the sides too high, especially on one side but he just laughed and said that was his bad side so he would just turn the other direction during pictures.
6. When you're 20 and decide to get married the only question you are asked is "are you pregnant". Trouper came up with a Trouper-original response. "No, but it's not for lack of trying. You know condoms and pills are expensive!"
7. On our wedding night, we had a few bottles of wine. He drank one by himself and was rather tipsy. I've told his dancing story but few people know that he called his ex-girlfriend, Angela. She hated me no doubt about that and had told anyone and everyone that would listen that I was either a) pregnant or b) marrying him for money and c) she'd be shocked if he actually went through with it. All three were laughable. I already had a 9 month old so another baby wasn't even on the radar and the money theory was hysterical. Trouper worked at KMart when we got married and I don't recall getting rich off KMart money. So while I took a shower, in his drunk stupor, he called her. He told her off, in his nice Trouper way, and told her he would call her again on our 25th anniversary. I don't know where she is these days but I wish I could call her and let her know we made it and both took the "till death do you part" portion very seriously.
8. The Fleaz; a band of brothers formed by three crazy kids. Drugs, sex and rock-n-roll defined their friendship but so did loyalty, love and admiration. I was the outsider. I wasn't one of their girls, I didn't follow blindly or take any crap. I became the Mom of the group but still, one of them getting married was out of the question. It meant the end of an era and they voiced their opinion on the subject more than once. But they still showed up that cold Saturday night in December and in our wedding book, wrote their names and the word "Fleaz" beside it. I will never forget the hot Sunday morning in June, almost 24 years later, when two of those crazy kids traveled 1200 miles to walk into a hospital to say goodbye to the their brother.
9. Trouper loved music and we fought about what music to play at the ceremony. I knew I wanted Carla Rogers, who I had known most of my life, to play the piano but Trouper, in his dire devotion, wanted Stay by Pink Floyd. Pink Floyd at my wedding? Not just no, but HELL NO. I don't know if I actually won that argument and don't remember what I had to promise in order to get my way but I do know that the sounds of a 1970's rock band weren't heard that day.
10. My Dad gave me $500 dollars to buy my wedding dress. I went to a bridal store in Midland and bought my dress, an ivory gown with an open back and lots lace and pearls, for $199, alterations included. Guess I didn't do too bad because two other people have asked to wear it on their wedding day and now, it's in my closet, waiting on Emily. She wants the pearls and some of the lace to add to her flower arrangement when she walks down the aisle one day and while I will be a little sad cutting it up, I am so honored she loves it as much as I do and wants it represented on her special day.
11. My Grandmother bought our wedding and groom's cake. From Albertson's no less. Guess what flavor the groom's cake was??? You're right if you guessed yellow with chocolate frosting. Same as every birthday cake I baked on September 12th for the next 23 years.
12. While I'm on the subject of cake: We had a fight the night before our wedding. I won't go into why (wasn't about cake) because it doesn't really matter but we spent the night apart and didn't see one another until our rehearsal on Saturday morning. He asked me if I was still mad and if I was still marrying him to which I replied yes to both. He said "well, good thing you look beautiful when you're mad and I'm not going to lie, I've been thinking about that cake all day so I'm really happy you're still willing to do this, I need some cake".
13. Trouper was really torn about his best man. He wanted ten groomsman but I said no, one. It was a small, quickly planned wedding and I didn't have time to pick ten bridesmaids. So he asked Jason Wheeler, knowing it would hurt some feelings. Jason and Troup were closer than brothers, and Jason had never said anything bad about me, in fact, only encouraged Trouper to make a move and finally try and win my heart. In my head, I can still see the two of them, standing at the alter, looking handsome with big toothy grins. We always planned on having another wedding, ironically on our 25th anniversary, and I told him he could have as many groomsman as he wanted.
14. We went and saw The Bodyguard on our honeymoon. Trouper always said it was the beginning of him never being allowed to choose a movie again. He was right.
15. My MIL, Teresa, made my veil. It was a headpiece of flowers for a headband and tulle. It's still on a hanger in my closet. When I was packing our closet to move last year, I put it on and wore it for hours. I forgot I had it on when the movers showed up. I'm sure they thought I was crazy.
16. We had one video of our wedding and many mistakes were made regarding that video. About a month after the wedding, we watched it on his parent's VCR. First, the video wasn't marked, second, we didn't make copies and third, his Dad recorded Star Trek over it. Bet you can guess what our first big fight as a married couple was.....
17. Ryan was nine months old when we got married. He went with us on our first date, to La Bodega, when he was a month old in April of 1992. Trouper said he felt like a Dad from the moment he officially met Ryan, on Easter Sunday after Ryan had his kidney removed the week before. He had met him before, through a window the night he was born, but didn't get to hold him until Easter. My Mom bought him a little Christmas suit to wear for the wedding and Christmas and he sat front and center, with her and my Grandma Dorothy, laughing and smiling.
18. My Grandma Dorothy adored Trouper and said he was the smartest kid she ever had in her Sunday School class and he always knew his bible verse each week. He broke it to her, many years later, that he only learned the verse to get the candy or doughnuts she brought as a reward each week. In fact, he was the only 15 year old allowed in her middle school Sunday School class. She was sad I was getting married so young but ecstatic it was to Trouper. She treated him as one of her own from day one.
19. I didn't tell my Mom where I was going on my honeymoon, not that it was some exotic place (Midland). I did, however, call her once a day and check in because she was taking care of Ryan. She didn't approve of Trouper, certainly didn't approve of her oldest getting married and I didn't trust her to leave us alone for three days. Kinda shady on my part yet kinda funny too. She and Trouper ended up having a wonderful relationship and I secretly think she likes him more than me. On the subject of honeymoons, we went on what we called our delayed-moon three years later, to Las Vegas. Guess what we came back with? The gift that has kept giving for 22 years, Miss Emily Jene'.
20. We always said if we had been smart, we wouldn't have gotten married in December. We always put off our anniversary because Christmas was three weeks away but planned on a big trip, and renewal, for our 25th.
21. One of the funniest stories around our anniversary was the year, and I believe it was our 5th or 6th anniversary, when Mom and Janet almost got arrested. Trouper's parents had the kids for the night, we went to dinner and had just gotten home for some "alone time" when Janet called. She said "Dara, you better get down to the Holiday Inn, your Mom and I are about to be arrested". Hilarity ensued, bans from Holiday Inn were made and 3am meals at Denny's were eaten. By the time we got home the sun was coming up and we were too tired for "alone time".
22. For our 20th anniversary, the December before Trouper got sick, he bought me a beautiful new (and large) wedding ring. He and the kids planned an elaborate night, which included a maze of pictures, game of Clue and at the end, Troup on one knee. It was one of the most special moments of my life and I will wear that ring until I take my last breath.
23. My brother, Bumper, didn't go to our wedding. He was young and under the influence of my step-dad. My step-dad refused to go because I said he wouldn't be walking me down the aisle because let's face it, he probably would have tripped me and laughed, been drunk or tried to flirt with one of my friends (probably all three). Anyway, years later, when my brother got married, him, his friends and of course Troup had a very comical night before the wedding which included a nasty story about Denny's Moons over Myhammy. I see a Denny's theme, but anyway, Bumper apologized to Trouper that night for not coming. It meant the world to Troup and they had a really special bond.
24. We celebrated one of our last anniversaries at Piedmont Hospital. The nurses let us go down to Au Bon Pain for lunch and Ryan brought us dinner from Uncle Julio's. Ryan, his friend Mark, Troup and I ate and laughed. I asked him what he would have done differently all those years ago and he said nothing and I knew he meant it. I spent the night with him that night and we held hands in the dark and he cried. I asked him why he was crying, at least we were together and he said this isn't how we should be spending our anniversary. I said well, you've got a few years to plan an amazing 25th so get busy mister. He replied okay, but do I have to get your approval or can I play Pink Floyd? I laughed and said Pink Floyd is just fine.
25. I used to imagine the things I would change about that night, all those years ago, but truth be told now, I don't think I would change one thing. We married at the place we first met; Open Door Assembly of God, surrounded by the people we loved and the ones who loved us. It was a magical night topped off with snow and lots of love. My sister said it best, at Trouper's funeral. "Doesn't matter how big and fancy your wedding is, all that matters is the love you feel". And while we were just kids making adult commitments I think we did just fine. We have two beautiful children and and a lifetime of memories. If I could change anything, I would strike a bargain with God and give us twenty five more years together.