A Little Melancholy

For the past few months, I've been in a constant state of melancholy (yes, an SAT word, go look it up) slightly depressed and a little gloomy. Maybe it's the winter, maybe it's the death of a dear friend, maybe it's the heartbreak I've seen my daughter suffer and the aftermath that followed. I can't put my finger on it, and certainly listening to The Civil Wars (it's a duo/band, go look it up) on Pandora isn't helping but nonetheless, I'm in a funk and I'm tired. My days are long; work is really hectic right now and when I get home, I'm forced to deal with home and all that surrounds our life. Can we buy medicine today, can we pay the electricity tomorrow, will the insurance pay this hospital bill, did Trouper check his line and bandages, are his batteries charged? I know everyone is busy, but some days it's overwhelming.

So why am I writing about my funk and bringing you down the rabbit hole with me? Because I am going to fight my way out. I'm going to chose to be happy, chose to be grateful and probably stop listening to The Civil Wars on Pandora. My dear friend, who lost her husband three short months ago said something that brought me back to reality. She reminded no matter how bad it gets, no matter how tired I am or no matter how overdrawn our bank account is, in the middle of the night, I can reach over and kiss my sweet husband. I can hold his hand, I can fight with him for the remote control and I can hear I love you spoken in a sweet, sleepy voice (this doesn't happen often, hint hint) when I'm dragging myself out of bed each morning. In short, I'm blessed. I've seen better days, but I've also seen much worse. I don't have everything I want but somehow, I have everything I need. When my alarm goes off at 5:45 am, I complain, but the fact is, I get to wake up. It's not a perfect life, but it's a blessed life.